Thank you officer....

Last night I had to go pick up Jackson from my mother's house. On the way over I noticed a police car travelling in the opposite direction. So after I picked up Jackson, I was trying to figure out the least likely place he would sit and then go that way home. I did this because I have a brake light out and I know that with my luck they will spot it and give me a ticket.

Well I am apparently very bad at figuring out where police will sit. I drove right past the police officer. And even though I didn't hit my brakes, he still pulled out behind me. CRAP! So now I have to go down a hill and maintain 45 mph without using my brakes in an automatic car. Just not doable, so I figured better to get a ticket for a burnt out brake light rather than one for speeding, so I hit the breaks to slow down. And then I waited....and waited....and waited. He never flicked his lights on, hmm... OK so I become a little more at ease and then FLASH, the lights go on. So I pull over and he tell me my brake light is out and asks for license, registration and proof of insurance. CRAP, again! I left my house in my pajamas which have no pockets, so I don't have my license on me. I explain to him this and he seems ok with it. He then asks for the registration and proof of insurance. Dag gone it! I can't find any of it. He then asks if I have been drinking. I tell him, no I am just always this unorganized. He says no problem he is just going to give me a warning anyway. Great I am thinking. So he goes back to his car for which feels like 3 hours but in actual reality it was only 5 minutes. And come back with a 5 day warning card that says I need to fix the brake light and show proof of insurance. Man this guy was great, he could have been a big prick and given all kinds of tickets and stuff, but he was nice the whole time. This hasn't always been my experience with the men and women in blue.

When I was younger(16 yrs. old) I was the most responsible drive in the world. Let me run you through some of my highlights of dealing with the police.

1) My first time. The first time I ever got a ticket, i actually got 3 at the same time. I was driving down the road with some friends and ran a stop sign that I didn't even see, it was behind a tree, They have since moved the stop so it is now in front of the tree. So I ran the stop sign and wouldn't you know a police man was coming the other way so of course he saw it. So I see him turn around and for some stupid reason I decide to try to out run the police man, did I mention I had a 1979 VW Rabbit. Not the 1st choice when attempting to out run the police. So anyway I took a bunch of turns through a neighborhood and and thought I had lost him when BAM! He was right in front of me, I thought he was telepathic or something. He comes up to my car very rude, I guess I can understand now that I look back on it. He says to me, "I got you this time". I was like this time? This is the first time I have ever tried to do this. He says something smart like I was lieing. Anyway, I ended up with 3 tickets, 1 for running a stop sign, 1 for speeding, and 1 for trying to elude a police officer.

2) 2 times. I used to drive to school and would pick up my friends and give them a ride as well. Well one morning on the way to school I was driving too fast and got pulled over. So I got a ticket and I was on my way to pick up my friend, who shall remain nameless, but let's just say her name is the name of month and begins with A and it's not August. Anyway i get to her house she gets in and we head back. Now we are running late because i just got a ticket and you know how long it takes to write one of those things up. So I might be speeding a little bit. Well i was apparently speeding too much, because the same police man who gave me my ticket about 15 minutes prior was once again pulling me over. He asked what the rush was, i felt like saying, "You took so long with the first ticket that I am now late for school", but I didn't. I just explained that I was trying to get to school. he of course was nice enough to give me my second ticket of the day, actually of the hour. When I get to school, late of course, they start writing me up for detention, when I explain what happened they said that they guess I have been through enough this morning and let me go.

3)The circuit. One night a bunch of friends and i were cruising the circuit, the only thing there was to do, OK? don't go making fun of me. Well anyway, apparently it appeared like myself and another car were racing. We just both happened to be going over the speed limit next to each other. If you want to call that speeding then so be it, but i disagree. Well the policeman pulls us both over, impressive i might add. And ask us why we were racing I explained to him that i never met the guy, don't know him, and we weren't racing. he goes along with it and gives me a driving at an unsafe speed ticket. However, in the back seat is my friend, let's just say her name rhymes with Cindy, but has an M in it somewhere. She is starting to hyperventilate or something and is panicking because apparently I had a little knife under my seat that I didn't really even remember was there, nor do i even know why it was there. Anyway the police officer wasn't too much of a jerk, but i thought for sure "Cindy" was going to get us in trouble. But all ended well.

4)High beams. One night on the way back to college Allison and I drive past a police officer heading in the opposite direction. It was about 1am and it was in the middle of no where and very dark. So I had my high beams on and forgot to turn them off when I drove past the car. So next thing you know the police man turns around and pulls me over. First thing he asks is how much I have been drinking. I tell him nothing, I just forgot to turn the high beams off. He seems very displeased with this answer and after getting my license and registration he heads back to his car. He then comes back with a ticket, a ticket? I didn't think they had tickets for such things, but apparently they do. A ticket for forgetting to turn my high beams off. That isn't all I forgot, read number 5)

5)High beams continued...well probably 2 weeks passed since I got the ticket for the high beams. I was living at a hotel at this time, since on campus housing was full. Allison was over at my room, we were studying for a MicroBiology test I had. When I here someone knock on the door. I thought it was the maid, but to my surprise it was a police officer coming to take me away. Did I ever mention I ma very forgetful? Well I forgot to pay that stupid headlight ticket so they came and arrested me. I told Allison to get pat and meet me at the magistrates office. When I got there , in handcuffs, they sat me down and started asking all these questions. Eventually it got to the point where if I just paid my ticket I could go. Well Allison and pat finally show up and we are able to get the $94 some odd dollars together and they finally let me out. This brings up Pat....

6) Hard Rock Cafe - One spring break a bunch of us decided to go down to Atlanta for spring break. I know it's not the hot destination that some people go to, but we were poor college kids and could stay with my dad for free. So my mother rented us a car and we were on our way. We arrived in the ATL without any issues, believe it or not. About 1/2 through our spring break we were downtown sight seeing. We stopped at the Hard Rock Cafe to get a souvenir. There were any spaces, so I thought well this will be a quick trip so I will just pull over and run inside. Allison and when we come out we find Pat talking to a police officer. Apparently they were waiting for the driver, that's me, to come out to give me a ticket for double parking. No big deal you might say, well did I forget to mention I didn't really have a license at this particular moment, more on that later. So instead of a) Pat moving the van or b)getting a ticket for double parking. I get a ride to Fulton County Jail for driving without a license. Now in PA you don't go to jail for such an offence, but apparently things work differently in the ATL. So I get a nice ride in a paddy wagon with my new best friend, a bum named James. Who tell me he's in here for asking a white guy for a penny. I think to myself, Great he hates white people. But nope, James very cool. And when we got to the holding area he seemed to know everyone. So i figured it was good to know James. When mealtime came around it looked nasty, but james offered his little debbie snack cake in exchange for the rest of my food. How could I pass up such an offer. I don't think I have ever been so frightened in my life. This was an experience I neither forgot nor ever want to go through again. Did I mention my cell mate had boobs, but peed standing up?

7)Weekend in New England. Allison brought me to her sister's wedding in Ct. After the wedding we were hungry and want to go get some snacks. So me, allison and her cousin, Lenore, went to the local gas mart to get some snacks. Now we were in there for a long time, but we got alot of things. We brought everything up to the cash register and paid for it. When we walked out of the store there was a cop standing there waiting for us. He said that the clerk said we were stealing. I showed him the receipt, but the clerk said that Allison put a slim jim in her pocket. Now 2 things here don't make sense. 1)Why after just paying for all that other stuff would we steal a slim jim? 2)Allison was in her pajamas and didn't' have any pockets. Now please keep in mind we weren't allowed to get in our car, but they still felt the need to search the car. Now if we weren't in the car how could whatever we stole be in the car. I asked them if they could search the car somewhere else because of past dealings with the police I didn't really trust them. I wanted it searched in a more public forum. But I was told to be quiet or I would be charged with obstruction. So I said fine go ahead and search the car. They searched the car and found nothing. I think they were just looking for drugs or someone to harass that night. Then finally a police lady showed up to search Allison and Lenore. And wouldn't you know it they found nothing. So there was 3 hours of my life wasted. I told my father about the situation and he called the police department, who had no record of such a thing happening. I believe lit some fires because he said I may want to avoid that town for a while. By the way the town was Simsburry and it was officer Tinsdale or Tinsley.

Well I guess that is the end of my highlights. There are actually plenty more, but I am sure you are getting sick of reading this. So I will leave you with some statistics

In 1994 I had a file which totalled $8000 + in traffic fines.
This file contained tickets from 1989 to 1995.
If the average ticket was $160 that would mean I would have received about 48 citations.
My license was first suspended in 1989 and I did not get a PA license back to 2000.
By the time my license was suspended the first time I had accumulated 31 points.
11 points is where they suspend your license.
I had my license back briefly in 1995, long enough to go to NY and get a license before PA requested it back.

The above is not something to be proud of, but it is what it is. I can not change what happened in the past only try to learn from it. I am apparently very thick headed or a slow learner.

I know there are people who will think I am exaggerating or just lieing about the whole thing. Trust me I am not, if anything I am underplaying some of the things.